Man. I've come to discover thatI spend too much of my life
trynna astonish people
Increasing isolation and the insanity,
now to the point where it should be illegal
However, it's not only 'bout impressing the outer world,
but more of myself
Yet when I overwhelm others,I really do not impress me,
and it doesn't go well
And maybe as some of the deeper emotions,
that tells me I have been able to impress y'all
It's something that they all are saying
so I just don't have to feel like Imma mess
But I do, no matter what,'cause I read you
and I've not been impressive
Or is it me guessing,
as my unhappiness keeps getting more intensive?
Everytime that I go out in public,
everytime I try to talk to a person
Who's not my mom or a close friend,
I subconsciously try to amaze, getting me nervous
Right words, how I look, appearance, etc. I'm so tired of it
When I'm attempting, then I can only tell 'em how I feel,
and that I've hit the bottom
And that is really not something
to arouse someone with, that's an excuse
To get sympathy from them
instead of impressing them accurately, do not refuse
Damian, do not refuse,
you're simply so weak that you claim it abuse
You won't be able of winning or even playing the game,
you're gonna lose

Nobody reads me, nobody needs me, nobody sees me for who I am
I am a ghost, basically I am a ghost, no one understands
Hating myself, hating myself, all my life I been hating myself
Impossible to be carefree at any time, and nobody can help
Why, are expectations so high, all in my head?
Why do people keep judging me?, filling me with stress
Self-conscious, shaking to the core on stage,
technique replaced wit' judgement hits me back in a cage
The brightness won’t age,
but my self-hatred never seems to engage?
Whether'd be two people flirting, or kissing, my lack of humor,
or lack to impress myself or others,
when I play some music and somebody cringes, it affects me
People be giving the Billie Eilish look at me in my eyes
I hate the things that is telling me I’m dirt,
simultaneously, you think I'm ugly you right!
Embarrassment after embarrassment,
I feel my demons attacking
Got lots of emotions, but learned to mask 'em, so supreme,
i’m trapped in my own acting
Trying intentionally to break character,
but that makes it further gloomy
Cause I only can deliver aggression,
it's a wicked game and an awful movie

The impressure creates insecurities,
I try to tell and show it but cannot
Something preventing from doing it right,
prolly the demons I'm battling now
Insecurities and self-consciousness, always too near it
I want to cry, as a reminder of my human spirit
There is not a single moment where I can fully feel like myself
Or in control, as I'm in traffic, the wrong times, I'm not well
Where I cannot do the conversations,
not having words to impress 'em
Caught in the devil's session, locked out of heaven,
with insecurity-driven depression
I'm the most self-conscious introvert I know,
fills my head entirely
And I cannot say anything out about it,
and words are words, that's the irony
*I'm a little nervous*
that doesn't come out the right way, they won't understand
Man, they won't ever understand, I've tried all that I can
I don't really plan to drop this,
and I'm still nervous of what y'all is gotta pick out
Flaws, hypocrisies, and whining
‘cause when I feel it or hear it out
It's so mentally stitching, this is my feelings of humanism
It's not ego, but fact is I cannot take the micro-atom of criticism

Don't get it twisted, this is not about social media
or how I look on social media because I don't care about social media. This is about life. This is about how I enjoy living. How I enjoy music. Like, how I enjoy music is always me trying to put up a show in front of non-existent people, people I'm imagining. Like, when I put up a record in my home then I'm imagining my bedroom as a stage and the crowd is in the back of my bedroom. And I'm performing the song for the people. And if the crowd ain't feeling it, then it's not a good song, and I'm not a good performer. I am a cringe human being. And I have been feeling this way for years. Like maybe 12-13 years. And it's the same when I'm in the car; I need to be careful. I need to act cool, and not vibe out too much to the music that I'm playing because if I do, then people will start cringing at me and it freaks me out on the inside. I literally feel like my freedom has been taken away from me. And it's all sorts of art, it's not just music. Like when I'm watching a movie, then I'm picturing me as one of the characters and if the character ain't good enough or likable enough then the movie isn't good, and I'm not good. And when it actually comes to like having conversations in the public or to strangers, then I get SO nervous and self-conscious. It's about this unknown game that I can never play because. It needs to be done naturally and how can I do it naturally if I'm thinking about it all the time? The only game that I'm playing is automatically trying to chase people's admiration and respect. Like, the real me. The carefree me who doesn't care about people's opinions, he's buried alive underground. And it's impossible to dig him up because it's not getting any better. Anytime. And I've tried. But I failed!